Over the past 5 years, I’ve had a series of setbacks, both personal and professional. One of the consequences of these experiences is a cynical outlook on life and, perhaps more alarming, is a distance with my relationship with God. Although I identify myself as a United Methodist, my beliefs are an amalgamation of several beliefs. I identify as a Christian Left Democrat that leans toward the concept of social justice. I also identify as a Christian Universalist with a splash of Christian Deism. The splash of Christian Deism manifests itself as a personal belief that God doesn’t intervene in very much of human affairs. I’ve often believed that God allows the human race to operate under free will and that the future is merely the result of the collective decisions of all of us in the present.

As I mentioned, this has created a personal pessimistic worldview based on my microcosm of life. As mentioned in M Scott Beck’s book “The Road Less Traveled”, our differing world views are often caused by an incongruence of our microcosm of the world compared to the macrocosm of the world in its totality. Although I would never discount one’s life experiences over mine, I now recognize that my worldview is just that; my worldview. It is like a metaphorical drop of water in the world ocean know as the macrocosm or total world view composed of all human experiences.

This recognition has been an important part of drawing closer to God. The other problem I had was that I had a narrow view of God based on a wide variety of views including those of Evangelicals and Christian Fundamentalists. Although well meaning, these people created a view of God that he had favorites and was willing to punish those he was displeased with based on the slightest infraction of their view of holiness. This too made it hard for me to deal with some of the challenges of the last 5 years. I needed to get a new view of God, and I needed it fast.

Part of the cynical attitude that I had was that God was not going to help me and that I would have to overcome these obstacles on my own. As I said, I needed a new view of God so that I could reconcile with him and draw closer to him. I just didn’t have any idea how to do it. Fortunately, a friendship has been developing between me and a retired minister and counselor. In an act of grace, this individual recognized that my distance between God and myself bordered on agnosticism. To help perhaps reflect on my views of God and perhaps to challenge them, I was given a gift. I was given a copy of the Alcoholics Annonymous Big Book (4th edition) that was marked with specific passages to focus on. Of course, I was curious. I am a bibliophile and am a sucker for books, especially when one is given to me as an act of kindness and a gift. Of course, I wondered how this book would be of help to me since I was not an alcoholic and this book was intended to help alcoholics in their recovery and to achieve sobriety (as well as helping other alcoholics). I soon discovered that I had a lot in common with the members of Alcoholics Annonymous (AA). I realized that my problem is that I thought that God didn’t care about my problems and that he wasn’t perhaps big enough or powerful enough to help me accept the effects of human freewill or to help me cope with these problems.

The two chapters that were perhaps the best catalyst to help me were the chapters entitled (if my memory serves me correctly) “We Agnostics” and “How it Works”. Theses chapters were wonderful in that I wasn’t stuck with a hardcore Evangelical/Christian Fundamentalist definition of a monster god that was ready to severely punish me whenever I consciously or inadvertently deviated from holiness. I could define a Higher Power that I could relate to. I could think of my vision of a loving God that wouldn’t necessarily spare me of life’s difficulties but would be there with me and help me overcome them. Theses are the same principles that AA uses to overcome the desire to drink and maintain sobriety.

The best part is that I’m drawing closer to God after a 5 year distant relationship with him. It hasn’t made life any easier. I’m still trying to transition out of a 27 year career where I had some expertise into an entirely new career path where my skills are at the novice level at best. I believe my future will be challenging as I try to redefine and reinvent myself. So what is my point of all of this stream of consciousness writing (perhaps blather)? I realized that the possibility of drawing closer to God can sometimes come from an unlikely source. All it took was a gift from a caring friend and the people of Alcoholics Anonymous. They have shared their vision of a Higher Power that is not only for them but for everyone. And I am truly grateful.